Love – a feeling or direction or future or companionship?

I have been thinking about ‘Love’ lately, since I am 31 and for me the definition of “Love” has evolved in my thirties. Back then in my twneties – it was all about having those butterflies, believing those cliche things and following the person blindly without knowing the motive of the person, without knowing where the relationship will lead, without realising whether it’s toxic or healthy.

In my 30’s, the definition of love for me is very much changed. I think for me love is when I can be myself with someone, where the person gives me peace of mind, where I don’t have to play the blame game – because we both know each other’s flaws and strenghths, we both will figure out as each day will pass, it’s not about spending time together in a room, or at a cafe, but it’s respecting each other’s boundaries and also giving that space and respect where trust is not broken.

It’s not about questioning your worth if something goes wrong or giving each other silent treatment’s or ignoring each other until the one breaks the silence, but it’s about being upfront that I need some time and I will figure it out, it’s about listening to each other rather than giving a real advice – sometimes advices are not needed, it’s all about listening and acknowleding the other person. Love is not always about getting intimate with someone physically, it’s about letting someone know that you are there for them. Love is about companionship, it’s about giving direction when the other gets stuck, it’s about staying together in that very moment and building the future together.

Love is not clicking pictures and posting on social media, but about showing how messed up you are and still loving those unhealed pieces. I was reading a book by Brianne Wiest ‘ 101 Essays that will change the wat you think’ – in chapter 63 – the author have stated one question which made me think deeper, which challenged my whole belief system, which made me write this blog. So without stretching it further, I would state the question here, “If the love of your life would reflect all of your unhealed issues, mirror your flaws, and bring the deepest insecurities to light, would you be ready to be in a relationship with them?”.

I inhaled deeply and thought twice, I took a pause and thought what all unhealed issues I am still having, ofcourse everyone has some flaws but what if my partner too has the exact flaws as I have, for example, I am very restless person, I get very anxious when I have to spend more than 2-3 hours in a crowded places, what if he is also an overthinker like me – will we both help each other or will we both go to our own spaces, clear our minds and then communicate. My deepest insecurities was always having those feelings of being unloved, abandonment, but I have worked on my healing journey, there might be some insecurities ofcourse which I am unaware of but aren’t we always looking for someone who are kind of similar like us but still different in their own self. I would probably be with someone who would give me a chance to be with that person where we both need to grow together, that will make us a strong team. My answer would be – Yes, I would be in a relationship with someone where we both can trust each other and be a work in progress.

In this era of speed dating and online dating, I somewhere belive in the old school love, where the trust and respect are the foundation of the relationship. I have never used dating apps because I am not good in casual dating. I am not that emotionally dependent on someone now, I usually attach myself with non-living things, it’s easy to depend on them. Casual dating is not bad for those who have set the rules, who are clear with what they want from each other, who knows that they are not looking for long-term thing.

A great relationsip is not something you find, it is something you strengthen with time, it only happens when two people are willing to put the efforts without taking each other for granted.

There was another question – If you find the relationship you’ve been dreaming of, and then it doesn’t work out, what would your game plan be? – Honestly speaking, I thought about this a lot, I think if two people are unhappy with each other – they shouldn’t be together anymore for the sake of it. Temporary pain is good than permanent wounds. If you have tried everything to save your relationship, but in that process if you are losing yourself or your mental health is affecting, then it’s okay to part your ways. It’s not okay to force yourself, love happens organically, where your heart and mind are in sync with that person. Love is never forcing yourself to give someone chance whom you are not sure about. Your instinct is your compass and when you keep yourself calm, you will find the right direction.

Love is not just a feeling – it’s not about feeling great to have someone, but it’s also about feeling great to love yourself without being loved by someone else. Love is about giving each other the right direction when needed. Love is about building that companionship – that friendship, that trust, that honesty – these things are never taught, it’s something inbuilt. Love is neither past or future, it’s always PRESENT.

Love is that balance which keeps you sane in this insane world, for me love is not about finding it in one person, for me love is finding that security, comfortness and peace of mind in every friendship and relationship. Love doesn’t come in one form, it takes diffferent forms in different person.